Happy Birthday louiserobertson !!!!!

I can tell where you know me from by which nickname you use.
If you call me Ty you are probably immediate family or old friends.
If you call me Roney then you are from the years when I worked at America West Airlines in Columbus.
Tea-Bag is from my Life University days in Atlanta and is my favorite. I'm a yoga instructor so it fits my save-the-planet-let's-all-hug side, but it's also kinda dirty.

I've never had a nickname that I would use in an introduction, but I'll answer to all of them.

I felt like this is a recap piece that needed its own entry:

Friday night some of us go to the East Village after the poetry thing to watch the Burlesque show. I'm sitting at a table with a bunch of folk and having a good time. We crack a couple of jokes about how there aren't a lot of guys in the bar, bad haircuts and how every guy I find attractive isn't a guy. After a few minutes one of our fellow out of town poets (who will not be named) looks around with platter shaped eyes and says "Is this a LESBIAN BAR ?!?"

Now I had assumed that he knew but realized that because I live in Columbus I knew East Village is an embassy for the Isle of Lesbos. So I felt bad that he didn't know (When he agreed to go).

But really. After almost 10 minutes sitting at a table in the middle of the bar, I know that a Where's Waldo book is not a good birthday gift for you.

Oooh grrrl.

Wow! This was the first big event I've been to and I loved it!
I'll try to make my ramblings of the evening coherent, but no promises- I'm just now waking up from smoked-ribs-and-brisket-induced meat coma. (There is a special place in heaven for you Teri!!!!)

Let me just start by saying thank you to everyone who worked so hard to put it on. By saturday night quite a few of you had that dead-behind-the-eyes look you usually only see on reality show tv stars.

Dave opened his house for the after party, and Teri put her foot in everything she cooked (the potato salad with bacon mad me pray for the soul of the vegetarians in the group) (the sangria made me forget what I was praying for)

I loved that there were so many voices and styles that performed. Because I really didn't know any of the poets, a lot of names are lost to me, but I'm left with lines from the poems, or the feelings they gave me.

I was inspired by Wonder Dave because I planted his feet and told his truth singing out un-apologetically gay pieces that were powerful. Bitches!

Here are my random thoughts on the Rustbelt Weekend:

That poem about Guatemalan Skies was Fantastic.

The line in a poem that says it's like apples and oranges

Karen was one of my favorite poets- she had a mellow and conversational tone I just loved. Her poem about wanting to live in Russia was great, and I love the line in her other poem that said she had unprotected sex on the floor of the CDC, but it was ok because he had a masters degree in public health and was blond. Priceless

I'm not a big fan of team pieces.

I like save-our-daughters poetry

I like angry-gay poetry

I like angry-woman poetry

I like angry-black poetry not so much

I like poetry that is spoken in a rhythm and speed so I can understand almost all of the words and I don't feel like I'm being bludgeoned by the poem.

I LOVE the poetry that is just entertaining without bludgeoning me with the message eg "Ghetto Girl Scout"

I like the word "bludgeoned"

If you stay at a party long enough there is a point where things just get weird. Not good, not bad - just weird.

There was a poet wandering around the party with a bottle of wine in one hand and a bottle of water in the other.

Gina brought a SUITCASE full of liquor.

Gina is going to heaven.

Does anyone know what the bartenders thought of the events?

How come Taylor always brings an entourage with him?

How/where do I get my own entourage?

I'm taking applications to be part of my entourage.

My new favorite derogatory adjective is "Slouchy"

Wow, there are a lot of people with dreads.

Grrr!

“Goddamn you! You son-of-a-bitch! This will be funny later, much muuuuuuuch – but right now, goddamn you!”
That is how my best friend started our most recent conversation. I thought that just meant she found the toy I left on her porch. Little did I know.

Purchased at Big Lots, it was scraggly , white, and hideous – but not from years of love, or storage, no that’s the way it was made. My best guess is it was supposed to be a Yeti or possibly a dog – no way to know for sure. If you held it by the chest and let its arms and legs hang, they faced the wrong way. I think the head was attached backwards. Then there was the tail. If you held the creature up by the chest, the tail was attached along the same plane as the legs. It appeared that either it had three legs or was REALLY blessed. Either way it was not cute.

15 years ago I found it on my porch, waiting for me in cardboard box – holes punched into the sides to keep it alive. Only a dear friend would spend good money on such a bad toy only to toss it on a friend’s porch in a drive by. I LOVE HER. So I figured I would return this to her. After all these years, this is a revenge that would be deliciously ice cold.

I drove past her house but her car was in the drive. I didn’t feel like going back in the middle of the night so I pulled up to the curb, hopped out, and chucked the toy up to her porch, or as close as I could get. I got back into the car and sped off, watching her door in my rear view. I was sure her dog would tip her off that I had been there. When she didn’t open the door, I called. I got her machine (she has a grudge against BellSouth and won’t use the Voicemail feature). I the deepest, scariest voice I could muster I growl, “Check your porch! For I am the Angel of the Lord and I shall exact my vengeance!”

Here is what I didn’t know:
• My friend wasn’t at home; she was out running errands and driving her mother’s car.
• Her mother was in the house.
• Her mother had been staying with her because mom hadn’t been well.
• By “not well” I mean that the mother had been staying up at night because she was having delusions a man with a flashlight that was trying to break into the house.
• Because my friend has an answering machine, mom heard the message and followed the instructions.
• It SET HER OFF and my friend got home minutes before the police.

Now I feel guilty. If it had happened to someone I didn’t know and had been initiated by someone who wasn’t me, this would have been funny. You can’t make that up.

I hardly watch the news anymore for this reason:

The story was "How Safe is it to Fly Out Of Port Columbus" and the reporter kept making big deals out of instances where a plane had either been fixed, or an expert says it was no big deal.

In 2002 this aircraft flew all day with a reading lamp in row 17a burnt out. Experts claim this had no effect on the safety of the passengers, but Delta would not return our calls. We just think the traveling public has a right to know who was responsible.



My brain is leaking out of my ears.

I'm sitting at the Kafe, enjoying my Koffee When someone tells me how rude I've been for not posting. Now for the sake of anonymity I'll call her Theri. Well her you go "Theri" I have posted.